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Start with a glass or two of famous Madeiran wine which is aged three different ways using the location-specific process of estufagem. Pick which style of wine you want based on how stacked with euros your wallet is. Cuba de Calor the most common and cheapest is what you want if you're scrimping on booze. Once you start getting saucy, make your money stretch by hitting the slots at the Casino de Madeira. Win or lose, the casino's Copacabana club is always packed with a grind-friendly dancefloor that bumps to the best Portuguese and Brazilian beats.

Kick it Madeiran style at Vespas, which has several different clubs inside blasting everything from your mama's old music if you're already looking to get intimate with your hostelmates, to loud and raunchy stuff if you're still rocket-fueled on poncha which you should be. Madeira launches the Guinness Book of World Record's largest fireworks display over the Atlantic Ocean as an annual celebration to ring in the new year. Book early to avoid overpriced New Year's rates, and get out on a boat or high above the harbor for the best views. Thomas Schoch All adventure and no food is a major party foul in Madeira. Sex up your palate at the port in Funchal the island's capital and largest city with some lapas, which loosely translates to absurdly delicious mollusks soaked in butter, garlic and lemon juice.

Eat them with a side of bolo do caco, cassava or sweet potato bread also slathered in garlic and butterand stuff some in your pocket for later-these breads are like ninjas of hangover antidotes. If you're looking to shove something large and long in your mouth, try the local delicacy espada, or scabbardfish, often served with banana if one long food-phallus in your mouth isn't enough. Wash it all down with the local beer, Coral, for some balance. After Party Photo by: Markus Bernet To keep the buzz going remember that variety is the spice of life, and sampling Madeira's alcoholic concoctions is imperative to really tasting the island.

This stuff is like the actual booze equivalent to sex on the beach: Then the Hostel Lobby Photo by: AirBnB Madeirans are no strangers to the sweet combination of sweat, booze, garlic and sex-just crack your window on a Monday morning and you'll smell what we mean.

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